does this even need explanation?

awww... iz you tiyerd?

so, my husband is in the navy and just got back to work on the big black tylenol. and he started duty days again. and although it sucks that he has to sleep in a rack the width and length of a love seat, he still gets to sleep alone. without much disruption. i mean granted he had the mid watch, which is from midnight to four, but he got to sleep before and after. so how come when he comes home he is soooo tired, and grumpy? i don't get it. one day of duty and they get the next day to be jerks because they are "soooo day after"!?! hell! i haven't had a decent nights sleep since we left connecticut (in february) and i don't get an excuse! do i get to be day after, when i have to wake up and let the dog out to take a shit a five in the morning? do i get to be week after when the kids have been acting like godzilla, and i am dealing with my "monthly visitor"? i sure as hell didn't get to be month after when i came from three weeks in the valley! so WTF? maybe there is something i don't understand. maybe duty is really crappy. but then again, sometimes i would totally trade a shitty day cleaning and laundering with screaming kids to be back at work, filing, and dealing with crappy patients that need copies of their files NOW! at least then i know i will have two breaks, and a lunch half hour to myself. and if i could've done that, and come home to dinner being made for me, and my shit picked up, i think i would've grown up to be a man. maybe then i could get away with complaining.

its the little things...

just as there are a million ways to say "i love you" with out saying it, (like putting the toilet seat down, or picking up cherry limeades for the family on the way home), so too are there a million ways to say "Go to Hell!"

here are some of my favorites (or i guess i should say most recent)
1. don't let the dog out in the morning, even though you are the first to wake up, and she will cry and wake everyone else up.
2. stop taking out the trash, both out of the house, and out to the street. let it pile up and smell.
3. when asked if you can start dinner while i am in the shower, don't. then sit and read the paper while the kids go hungry.
4. if a show i like is on, don't even bother changing it, even though i say "oh! look! (insert name here) is on.
5. if i get sick, and tell you i am sick, don't care. let me wash the dishes and clean up the house anyway. then go to bed early, and leave me with a screaming baby.
5. make me do the banking and housing paperwork even though A.) both housing office and bank are on your way to and from work, B.) both housing, and banking are IN YOUR NAME and C.) i only have a car every once in a while.
6. although there was a short period of time without me or kids (three weeks) don't bother getting new tires for the car (even if we have needed them since november and that is what i wanted for christmas) or getting the car to the dealer for a tune up (even though the check engine light has been on for A YEAR!). it will be much better if you wait til i come home, and then have me deal with all this crap (with the two kids!) on my own.
7. when i bring to light the fact that all this shit is going on, and i just want to hang out for a bit, don't even bother looking at me, pull out your iPhone, and start going to your emails.

the thing i don't get, is if you want me to go to hell so bad, why do you want to get in my pants? or is that my final send off? "i know you are sleepy babe, and you have done a metric ton of shit today, and even though the last episode of ER is on, waddaya say?"

my answer with out a doubt is "go to hell."


one more thing i found... put the laundry (YOUR UNIFORMS!!) that i washed last night, back in the dirty clothes hamper. i mean isn't that easier than folding them and putting them away. just have me wash them again, until i can dry them, fold them and put them away for you. JEEZ!!! i can't believe how lazy i am!

That's no monkey..... that's my cat!

Ok so, a couple weeks ago- I think it was when Ruby was getting her first tooth, so she was in need of extra attention- Grayson pulls the ultimate act of.....catness.

I don't remember the details exactly, because, well, I don't remember anything anymore, but this is how I remember it. I was carrying Ruby upstairs and into our bedroom, and I hadn't turned the light on yet. I was with her on the bed, and immediately she crawls toward the end of the bed, to be a little cacahead. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grayson coming into the room, but walking in a really weird way. I first just assumed he was dragging a sock or some other inanimate object that suddenly is nice juice prey to him. I then realized he was dragging something, but it was in such a weird way that it freaked me out, so I put Ruby in her crib, run over and turn on the light. I then see that Grayson has pulled the mat that sits in front of his litter box from the laundry room into our bedroom, spilling feline pine all over the floor. I start looking around more, and notice that there are now pieces of POO all over the carpet. HOW?! you ask? Well you see, Grayson is very particular about his box, and when it's too full, he will crap on the mat in front of his box. As in, "Hello, bastards, clean out my box NOW please." (And yes, you guessed it, Dave is in charge of cleaning out the boxes.) So now Grayson is pretty much saying, "Fine then, dammit, if aren't going to come to my poo, I will make the poo come to you." So all this time, Ruby is in her crib crying, but now I have to pick up the pieces of poo, vacuum up the feline pine, spray, scrub, pick up the laundry that Dave was "sorting" on the floor (even though we have separate baskets for each type of load) piece by piece to make sure no piece of poo was flung into it, and then cover each spot I cleaned with a paper towel so that I don't step in it after. In a fit of rage and disbelief I leave a voicemail on Dave's cell phone, and I can't help but start to laugh as I'm explaining it all. Not a ha-ha laugh, I think it was more of a hysterically tired, stresses, and sick of it all laugh. Like the way that you laugh on the phone sometimes, you poor thing. But just be glad you don't have attention-whoring cats.

after TWO years...

TWO FRREEAAAKIN' YEARS!!! i got my period again! and i was pissed off. back with a fury. my husband says, "whats wrong with you... oh... i forgot." well... I DIDN"T!!! this sucks balls.

Oh, I'm not the only one..

You know how if you type something into Google, it gives you a list of other things people have written in and tried to search for? I find it comforting to see that the term "motherhood sucks" has been Googled 248,000 times. Make that 248,001 times.

I love Ruby. I know you love your kiddies. But, my God.....

I should Google "straitjackets for babies" and see how many times that's been Googled.

;)

crap!

what is really crappy is when you have to fix hamburgers on a grill that is too hot, because your husband from texas (capital of bbq and grilling) put too many coals. then when you finally have time to sit down and eat, everyone is already done, and no one saved you one of those god damned hamburgers that you had to suffer a backdraft for. then you are too mad to eat anything lest you throw up, and you give some really good bacon wrapped hot dogs to your neighbor so you don't have to throw them away.


not that i had to do that or anything...