That's no monkey..... that's my cat!

Ok so, a couple weeks ago- I think it was when Ruby was getting her first tooth, so she was in need of extra attention- Grayson pulls the ultimate act of.....catness.

I don't remember the details exactly, because, well, I don't remember anything anymore, but this is how I remember it. I was carrying Ruby upstairs and into our bedroom, and I hadn't turned the light on yet. I was with her on the bed, and immediately she crawls toward the end of the bed, to be a little cacahead. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grayson coming into the room, but walking in a really weird way. I first just assumed he was dragging a sock or some other inanimate object that suddenly is nice juice prey to him. I then realized he was dragging something, but it was in such a weird way that it freaked me out, so I put Ruby in her crib, run over and turn on the light. I then see that Grayson has pulled the mat that sits in front of his litter box from the laundry room into our bedroom, spilling feline pine all over the floor. I start looking around more, and notice that there are now pieces of POO all over the carpet. HOW?! you ask? Well you see, Grayson is very particular about his box, and when it's too full, he will crap on the mat in front of his box. As in, "Hello, bastards, clean out my box NOW please." (And yes, you guessed it, Dave is in charge of cleaning out the boxes.) So now Grayson is pretty much saying, "Fine then, dammit, if aren't going to come to my poo, I will make the poo come to you." So all this time, Ruby is in her crib crying, but now I have to pick up the pieces of poo, vacuum up the feline pine, spray, scrub, pick up the laundry that Dave was "sorting" on the floor (even though we have separate baskets for each type of load) piece by piece to make sure no piece of poo was flung into it, and then cover each spot I cleaned with a paper towel so that I don't step in it after. In a fit of rage and disbelief I leave a voicemail on Dave's cell phone, and I can't help but start to laugh as I'm explaining it all. Not a ha-ha laugh, I think it was more of a hysterically tired, stresses, and sick of it all laugh. Like the way that you laugh on the phone sometimes, you poor thing. But just be glad you don't have attention-whoring cats.

after TWO years...

TWO FRREEAAAKIN' YEARS!!! i got my period again! and i was pissed off. back with a fury. my husband says, "whats wrong with you... oh... i forgot." well... I DIDN"T!!! this sucks balls.

Oh, I'm not the only one..

You know how if you type something into Google, it gives you a list of other things people have written in and tried to search for? I find it comforting to see that the term "motherhood sucks" has been Googled 248,000 times. Make that 248,001 times.

I love Ruby. I know you love your kiddies. But, my God.....

I should Google "straitjackets for babies" and see how many times that's been Googled.

;)

crap!

what is really crappy is when you have to fix hamburgers on a grill that is too hot, because your husband from texas (capital of bbq and grilling) put too many coals. then when you finally have time to sit down and eat, everyone is already done, and no one saved you one of those god damned hamburgers that you had to suffer a backdraft for. then you are too mad to eat anything lest you throw up, and you give some really good bacon wrapped hot dogs to your neighbor so you don't have to throw them away.


not that i had to do that or anything...

whats really shitty...

is when you get up in the morning, and you hear fluid draining out of your ear, and you are so cold that you put on a jacket.

my mom sent me this...

"I don't think this applies only to menopausal women...."

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman's Answer: One!

ONLY ONE!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER!!!

I'm sorry. What was the question???

oh, don't forget another type of poop...

being pooped. like me. right now.

this is shit

thanks, Neens for pissing me off. i can't believe what crap
this is. maybe i should be inspired and catch a ball game instead of washing dishes.

why...

why is it that drinking coffee in the morning inspires peristalsis. in my life, there is no poop without coffee.